The L Word Season 2 Week 4
Before we get to the recap I’d like to point out that I wonder how is it that we’re four weeks into the second season of this show and we’ve yet to see Tennis Player actually play a match? We’ve seen her practice and train and look all sweaty but we’ve never seen her in a tournament. Hell there hasn’t even been mention of traveling to a tournament. So exactly what does she get endorsed for? Moving on.
They’ve obviously given up on the whole flashback thing and that’s happiness for me and you. So another flashcurrent, this time current day New York City. A woman (who we later find out is Helena Peabody) is having a tension filled sessions with a woman we assume is her therapist. Apparently the tension comes from the fact that they recently slept together. The therapist has guilt over this fact and says she abused her position of authority. Helena just wants to do it again and convinces the good Dr. that it’s wrong to avoid their desires and so the Dr gives up on the whole notion of not doing it again. To bring us all up to speed let me remind you that Peggy Peabody was the head of the Peabody Foundation, a charitable trust that gave big chunks of money to Bette’s museum last season. Peggy has retired and her Australian daughter Helena has taken over. Got it? Good. Helena is important for 3 reasons, 1) Bette has gone to New York to try and get more money for the museum from her 2) Tina’s volunteer work (continuity from last year, impressive) has her writing a grant proposal which we can bet will be going to the Peabody Foundation 3) She’s a lesbian so maybe we can finally get some action that doesn’t involve Shane. Not that there is anything wrong with Shane it’s just that she seems to be the only one getting any. Onward.
While in New York Bette has a one night stand with a woman she picks up at a bar. Her trick looks nothing like Tina. I find that interesting since Tina gravitated toward the stripper that was Bette’s doppelgänger. I found the sex to be completely not hot and that is so disappointing. Why does this show exist if not to give me hot lesbian sex? Bette must have been equally unhappy with it because afterwards she sat looking despondent while playing with what I assume was her wedding/commitment ring as the other woman slept in the hotel bed.
Tina on the other hand is spending the bulk of her time working on the aforementioned grant proposal in her lawyer’s guest house. Martha must have been communicating telepathically to Tina because Tina’s outfit are eerily reminiscent of Martha’s departing jail outfit. Apparently though Tina’s ponchos are magic because they make her pregnant belly invisible to everyone. That’s right, Alice and the lawyer are still the only ones that know she’s pregnant. Speaking of the lawyer, like I told you last week she tried to put the moves on Tina. First it was tender words and names like “sweet cheeks” and then she tried to ram her tongue down her throat. Upon being rejected by Tina she just thought Tina was being a prude because she’s pregnant. The lawyer made it clear that she’s had lots of experience fucking pregnant women so she knows how to be gently. Ewww. Just eww. Tina makes it clear that she’s rejecting her for real. We don’t see the fallout but Tina packs up her shit and leaves the guest house. Homeless again. A girlfriend who cheated must not be looking nearly as bad at this point considering the sweet ass house they live in.
Meanwhile back at the Bat Cave, I mean The Planet which suddenly looks like a coffee shop again, with a million tables, Alice wants to talk about what you’d do if you had a penis for 24 hours. Because of course every lesbian is consumed with fucking penis envy. Grr. Argh. I was insulted by the conversation and will only recount Shane’s answer which amused me. She said she’d pee standing up on every bush she found. When Crazy Jenny asked wouldn’t she want to fuck a lot of women Shane reminded her “I don’t need a dick to do that.” Good line, stupid conversation topic.
God this episode was tiring. I can’t even get motivated to recall the rest of it. So let’s do this in short order form:
- Shane was doing hair on a film set. One of the actress pulled a diva and was delaying production. Shane, of the magic lips apparently, talked the woman into coming back to work while calling guest star Camryn Manheim, playing a studio head I think, a crazy bitch. I don’t know about a bitch but she really does look crazy with short blonde hair. And because being called a crazy bitch is like business foreplay Camryn Manheim offers Shane a job as her assistant. It’s unclear whether or not Shane takes it. I’m thinking yes so sadly we’ll see more of the scary hair. If Camryn gets at least one really good line a week I’ll pleased though because her question as to whether Shane was the “poster child for the under nourished and gender confused” was brilliant.
- Crazy Jenny is hot for Carmen but since Carmen hasn’t called Jenny isn’t sure about Carmen’s interest. In any case Jenny wants to make sure Shane wouldn’t be upset if something were to develop with Carmen. To show what a fucking cold person she is Shane not only doesn’t mind but she offers to pimp Carmen out by inviting her over so Crazy Jenny can see her. To be clear, Jenny likes Carmen, Carmen like Shane. Shane knows Carmen really likes her and she invites Carmen over for Jenny. A little confusing so instead just say “Damn, Shane is cold.” Did you see the negative way I used pimp? Because let’s all be clear, there are no non-negative non-offensive ways to use that word. Do it in my presence and I really will turn into the angry lesbian that you’ve always suspected me of being.
- Kit goes to a business seminar. I don’t remember what it was called but the acronym was TOE and it reminded me very much of the cult of GTD that a whole bunch of people have been sucked into. I tried to get sucked into GTD but it just didn’t take. Charles S. Dutton was the seminar leader and there was some flirting with Kit. I’m glad. Though I’m not really about heterosexual coupling on the lesbian show Pam Grier needs more to do.
- Alice is set up with a man by Cat Killer. She kind of likes the man and he kind of likes her so of course you know Tennis Player is over taken with jealousy. It’s not like she’s banging Cat Killer or anything or has any right to be jealous but there it is. So Alice and TP have a moment where Alice demands to know what TP wants. TP makes it clear that she wants Alice by kissing her. Previews indicate sex between them next week. Thank christ for that.
- Shane and Crazy Jenny interviewed potential roommates. As expected all were freaks. So from amongst the psycho christian, the harmless gay boy who likes to run around naked, the yuppy lesbian who wants a communal meal once a week to encourage bonding, and the straight boy who shows up with a video camera running they chose DocuStraight boy. He claims to really want to be a documentary film maker though his work up to this point have been cheap ass videos about a whole array of stupid shit (think Jackass and porn).
As DocuStraight Boy is moving in Shane is having a little party. Shane is being fondled and kissed and DocuStraight Boy’s friend tells him how much he scored being able to live there. Fucking fuckity fuckers. This plot line is going to drive me to throw my shoe at the tv. I haven’t been compelled to throw my shoe since the last appearance of Lisa the lesbian identified man and now they pull this shit. Fuck. Anyway. DocuStraight Boy watches as Shane’s party moves next door into Bette’s pool. Wet, naked lesbians, yum. At least that’s one redeeming thing about this week’s episode. As he’s staring at the wet, naked lesbians DocuStraight Boy asks Jenny if all the girls are lesbians. She says pretty much. He asks if she is and she says she doesn’t know. This went downhill into a conversation about how he read them all in the pool as lesbians not because they’re masculine (no some are really feminine he says) but because of the lesbian attitudes that are wrapped up in their short hair cuts. Seriously, there was more talking than that but that’s what he said. I guess I’m in a world of hurt here because I have long ass hair. My lesbian attitude must just be wrapped up in even more lesbian attitude. Ahem. Crazy Jenny doesn’t have enough lesbian attitude what with her long hair and you know, fucking guys last season, so later that evening she asks Shane to cut her hair short. Shane is psyched to do it. So for this week’s big dramatic ending scene we have Shane cutting Jenny’s hair, Crazy Jenny playing the crazy role and crying while her hair is being cut with Naked As We Came by Iron & Wine plays.
Previews indicate that I’m right on with my prediction about Tina’s grant going to the Peabody Foundation and I’m equally right by already being fucking annoyed with the DocuStraight Boy plot line. He’s going to install hidden cameras to spy on Jenny and Shane in the house. Piece of fucking shit.
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