The L Word Season 2 Week 5
Sweet Jesus where to begin? Maybe with really, really fucking creepy DocuStraight Boy planting hidden cameras throughout the house so he can spy on his lesbian roommates and watch them and their partners having sex? Or maybe I should just begin by saying that after this episode went off last night I was so irritated I decided to stop doing these recaps so I could stop watching this show? I don’t watch this show because it’s great, thought provoking television, because it’s not. I watch this show because it’s produced by lesbians and is about lesbians. But if the reward for supporting a lesbian show is to see lesbians being manipulated and abused by straight men then maybe I need to find some other lesbians to support. That all being said I am in fact doing this week’s recap and am still thinking really hard about whether or not this will be the last one.
In short order form again this week:
- Kit’s kind of obsessed with Charles S. Dutton and his productivity/life hack (wink G) shtick. His advice has led to The Planet’s profits increasing dramatically so they’re having private sessions and she’s confiding in him about the sad, sorry state of Bette’s life. I really hope he doesn’t turn out to be a jerk. It’d be a really pleasant surprise for Kit to have someone in her life that is good for her and good to her. Also, Pam Grier has a beautiful smile and it’d be great for her to have a storyline in which she doesn’t have to frown, look worried or grimace all the time.
- As much as it pains me (and lord knows it pains me) to admit it, Crazy Jenny looks kind of good with short hair. She’s significantly more attractive now and the short hair seems to have lightened up the character’s personality. I mean she didn’t do not even one thing remotely crazy this episode. Well except for that whole writing vision/hallucination/day dream thing where she was at the carnival and everyone but her had a pig face ala the Eye of the Beholder episode of The Twilight Zone.
- Shane is still trying to hook Carmen up with Jenny and Carmen tells her in no uncertain terms not to try and hook her up. It’s not that she’s opposed to Crazy Jenny it’s just that you know she doesn’t need the person she really wants to be with passing her around to friends and roommates. Shane has started working for Camryn Manheim’s crazy bitch character whose name is actually Veronica Bloom. She really is a bitch but she calls Shane “Hair Girl” and I like that. The storyline with Crazy Bitch and Shane is so fucking stupid I’m not going to elaborate. I’m just going to give you keywords: Russian mob, prostitute, scarred face, a john (yes that kind of john) paid for Shane to go to hair dressing school. That’s really all Shane did this episode. Well except of course being secretly taped by creepy fucking DocuStraight Boy while she fucks some blonde chick. Some body please tell me what the point of this storyline is? Do you want me to hate straight men? Is that your objective with this?
The two main dramatic events of this episode are the posting of the Peabody Foundation Grants and the joint bachelorette party of Cat Killer and Tennis Player and the prep for the party. Which to get to first? The one that actually involves sex I think.
- TP, CK and Alice look at sex toys/favors for the bachelorette party. In the sex shop Cat Killer acts an absolute fool over sexual body parts candy. She behaves profanely toward a chocolate penis (again because all the goddamn lesbians on this show are somehow obsessed with penises). TP is embarrassed by Cat Killer’s display. Cat Killer tries to deflect attention from her revoltingness by pointing out that Alice, as the bisexual, should really like the penis candy. Alice instead holds up a candy breast and says that the boobie is actually what she wants. They go back and forth adversarily holding up their respective candies until Cat Killer goes into the “why can’t you bisexuals make up your mind” bit that every lesbian I know has spewed at least once.
Later when Cat Killer is off entertaining her incredibly tacky parents Alice and TP are alone together assembling gift bags for the bachelorette party. This is a clear violation of the rules they’ve put in place to keep from fucking each other. They’re apparently ignoring the rules since they never mention them and oh yeah fuck like there is no tomorrow. After comic awkwardness of trying to get off clothes that are too tight they go at on the couch, in the chair, on the carpet, and in the kitchen a la 9 1/2 Weeks. Their sex was funny in spots, hot in spots and really sweet in spots. That’s exactly the way I like sex. Their naked cuddling ended too soon when Cat Killer and her too tacky for words parents get home and they quickly get dressed and avoid being caught naked and all over one another.
Now they’ve been fighting this attraction to one another since last season but somehow they’ve never discussed how TP actually feels about Cat Killer or what either one of them really want. This is relevant because the bachelorette party goes on as schedule which would indicate that the wedding will go on as well despite TP just getting it on with her best friend. At the bachelorette party TP’s very Republican mother gives a toast in which she says she’s very happy and approving of the wedding between TP and Cat Killer. This is of course what Tennis Player has always wanted, her mother’s approval of her lusty lesbian ways. Alice of course knows this so she’s absolutely broken hearted when she hears this toast. She knows Tennis Player is not going to be in a hurry to do anything that will risk her mother’s approval. Alice manages to pull it together enough to give a sweet toast that makes it apparent to anyone with a brain how much she’s in love with Tennis Player.
P.S. I’ve neglected to go into detail about the strippers at the bachelorette party giving lap dances to both of the brides’ mothers because it grosses me out.
- Bette and Tina. Tina and Bette. Where to begin. As was glaringly evident based on Helena Peabody’s interaction with Bette last week, Bette’s museum got not a penny. Tina’s organization on the other hand got 100 grand. Needless to say Bette was distraught and Tina was happy. To her credit though Tina called Bette and tried to be nice about it but Bette was a complete bitch and accused Tina of trying to sabotage her. This was after Tina moved back into their house (in the guest room), told Bette she wanted to talk to her only to have Bette talk completely over her. Oh and Tina told Bette she had gained some weight and by the power of her magic ponchos and shawls Bette believed her and didn’t notice that she was pregnant. When Helena Peabody shows up to see the organization that she just gave $100,000 to she instantly notices that Tina is pregnant and begins flirting with her. What the fuck is up with everyone wanting pregnant Tina? Cue Bette showing up, demanding to know what Helena Peabody is doing with her girlfriend, and shamed when she finally gets that Tina is pregnant and everyone in the world knew but her. I wish I was making all or at least part of that up but it’s actually what happened. And because Tina is suddenly a really vindictive person who wants to hurt Bette as much as possible. At least that’s what it seems since she brings Helena Peabody as her date to TP and Cat Killer’s bachelorette party. Because she’s rich Helena brings a boat load of gifts. So not only did Bette not get anyone money from the woman but now she’s at a party with Tina, being very touchy-feely and trying to buy off Bette’s friends. Bette is simultaneously hurt and pissed, Kit is agitated and wants to know “who dat” with Tina, which is really cute. It’s nice when Kit is defending Bette. Bette pulls her shit together enough to give a nice toast about trust, love, honesty, avoiding causing one another pain, you know all the shit she trashed when she did the naked mambo with Candace, repeatedly.
- Now I guess we have to get to the part where I tell you about how vile and disgusting DocuStraight Boy is and how dirty I feel watching this show now. After asking Jenny and Shane to sign releases to appear in a documentary which would consist of him interviewing them and them not signing he decides you know it’d be great just to hide 9 cameras throughout the house. I can’t even be snarky about this because I find it so fucking irritating and offensive. Let’s hear it for lesbian writers and producers using a straight boy to exploit lesbians. After placing cameras throughout the house DocuStraight Boy does a little monologue into yet another camera about how much his roommates talk and how they talk about everything. He’s not sure if that’s lesbian specific or just these women. Then he says that while the talking is nice and all he can’t wait to see some action. He says this as he flicks his tongue at the camera to indicate oral sex. It was even more disgusting than it sounds. And of course Shane does not disappoint the fucking freak when she brings a woman home and hops straight to sex. DocuStraight Boy otherwise known as Fucking Sleazy Creep stares intently at the monitors and watches Shane and her partner. The only way it could have been anymore gross or anymore offensive to me would have been if he’d masturbate, which I full well expect him to do at some point soon while watching. That’s how high my expectations are for this show now. I full well expect them to have a disgusting, sleazy straight man secretly taping women having sex and masturbating to it.
He’s so totally GTD, BTW, OMG, LOL.
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