The L Word Season 3 Week 11
This show has gotten so bad even my dearest darling B is frustrated. B, my love, who adored Queer as Folk for all five seasons. If she turns against a gay show you know we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel content wise. If you’re asking yourself why I’m so hard on The L Word I’ll just say “visions of a dead woman in a waterfall.” And if you ask my why I bother watching it if it’s so bad then I’ll just say shut the hell up because I don’t have a good answer. It’s like a train wreck I can’t look away from. Onward.
- Dana is still dead. Her parents plan a funeral that includes the priest/minister talking about how Dana didn’t have time in this life to find a husband and have kids. Excuse the hell out of me? Did Dana not come out in Subaru ads on this show? Did she not come close to having the first “corporate sponsored lesbian wedding” last season with Cat Killer? Did her mother not attend the bachelorette party for said wedding? I know Dana’s parents and their friends are supposed to be rich Republican types but even they have ESPN and USA Today. So this whole pretending she was straight at her funeral is super duper obnoxious. To counteract the obnoxious-ness Alice yells out that Dana was gay and later steals Dana’s ashes. The plan is to take them to tennis camp in the mountains that Dana loved (and where she first got it on with another girl).
- Shane is insanely depressed after Dana’s funeral and since the next step after depression is completely personality swap, Shane proposes to Carmen. Carmen just looks surprised and doesn’t answer.
- Jennifer Beals and the actress that plays Tina must totally hate each other. They’ve barely been onscreen together this season and when they have the scenes have been fuel of anger and hurt and “I want to scratch your eyes out looks.” That continues this episode since Tina has become the most insensitive person on the whole planet by bringing her new boyfriend over to Bette’s house to pick up Angelica. And as I’ve said before this show is so fucking heavy handed they have the boyfriend’s little boy as Bette to take a “family picture” of Boyfriend, Boyfriend’s spawn, Tina and Angelica. Family picture? Tina and the man have known each other for fifteen and a half minutes. His kid is going to be so screwed up.
Bette is of course lonely and sad that her relationship is so over (though let’s be honest that shit is her own fault since she started it all in season one by sleeping with Candace). She spends the night at Angus and Kit’s place so Kit can comfort her (both about Bette and about Dana). Most importantly though she goes to see the lawyer that Tina hired last year to represent her when they were breaking up the first time. The lawyer assures Bette that she’ll absolutely get joint custody of Angelica since she’s been there, as a parent of record, since the very beginning. Bette says she doesn’t want joint custody. She wants full custody. She doesn’t want her daughter to grow up being the biracial other in a family of white people. She says that when people she Tina and Angelica together they assume she’s adopted. When they see Bette and Angelica together they just see a mother and daughter. I think Tina’s pretty tacky at this point but I’m torn over the custody issue. Bette was the one who pushed for black father so the baby would look like her but using that as a reason to take the child completely from Tina seems wrong. On the flip side I see her point about not wanting Angelica to feel left out and different from the rest of the people in her home.
- Dylan drops a package and the settlement check (torn up naturally) at Helena’s front gate and drives away with a car full of stuff, giving the impression that she’s leaving town. The package is a video tape where she essentially apologizes for screwing Helena over, talking about how she’s got a lot of bad shit in her past that the evil boyfriend helped her with (though she doesn’t go into specifics, they must need a storyline for her in season 4) admitting that she’s in love with Helena. Helena cries and cries. Bored now.
- Max interviews at the same company that described him as “neither fish nor foul” when he interviewed there as Moira. Now that he supposedly passes so much better they think he’s great and offer him a high paying job. The catch is Jenny wanted him to interview there as Max so she could write about the company’s sexism (get it? They hire Max but not Moira). Max just wants to take the job. Jenny says he’s going to be sleeping with the enemy now. Max says they have serious issues if she thinks men are the enemy. Bored now again.
- The entire main cast (including Max who barely knew Dana) hike into the mountains for Dana’s “real memorial.” Employing a shocking level of subtlety Max is shown to be becoming even more of a “man” and a jerk by being aggressive and choosing the hiking route while the others where studying/arguing over the map and looking bored while Alice, Shane and Bette told stories about how they first got to know Dana (these stories were accompanied by funny flashbacks).
At the waterfall Bette puts her new Buddha-ness to work by talking about Dana being at peace, yadda, yadda, yadda. Shane acts like a whiney baby with no concern for anyone else’s feelings by screaming that Dana is not at peace and she died alone. Nice dig at Alice, you’re a great friend Shane. Then Shane storms off and her poutiness if rewarded by Carmen finally saying yes to the marriage proposal.
Everyone else scatters Dana’s ashes into the waterfall where Alice sees a vision of Dana. I think the high level of cheesiness in this show has made me lactose intolerant. Good thing I’m on a soy milk kick right now.
- Post memorial service Alice finds Lara on Dana’s step (I think it’s Dana’s step). They go inside, cry for like 30 seconds and then start to make out. Yes, Alice and Lara. Previews show they’re going to follow through and have sex next week. Makes sense since they both loved Dana most of all and Dana love the two of them more than anyone else. I’m genuinely interested to see if they make this a full fledge relationship next season or just a brief anesthesia to the pain that both Alice and Lara are feeling.
Season finale next week people. Thank jesus for that because I think I’ve got a sprain from rolling my eyes so hard. They need a break.
10 Comments