Unbalanced Equations
Traditional working lifestyle that makes actual money = very unhappy Michelle
Very non-traditional working lifestyle that makes no money = happy but poor Michelle
Poor Michelle = Low self esteem version of Michelle
Low self esteem version of Michelle = The crack in the door that melancholy needs to squeeze in
I am fundamentally broken in a way that ties up my self-esteem inextricably with how much money I do or don’t make. All the other areas of my life are very awesome but this currently is pulling me down and making everything seem pointless. How is this possible? I’m so happy, I’m so content in the work I do, in my spiritual path and in my relationship and yet I feel like such shit right now. Yet I know that if I were to get a day job I’d be so much more unhappy. Maybe I just haven’t found the right day job. Maybe there’s some kind of day job that I could make a living at without being miserable every day. I’d have to give up a lot of the other current “work” that I do but maybe that’d be ok. Fuck if I know.
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