Puzzles and Lights

Right now I’m holed up in the house on a fine Sunday afternoon even though I had big plans in my head about doing lots of things today. I was going out to breakfast, then I was going to the record store, then I was going to my favorite coffee shop to work on some tutorials on Glitch, then I was going to see Annihilation.

This is, of course, a familiar pattern of mine: rocking the homebody vibe. It’s a pattern that I’ve long been comfortable with and usually just accept as a part of being me. But recently I’ve started to wonder if my homebody ways are doing me harm. One of the great things in my life is having a good, challenging and rewarding job that allows me to work from home. I enjoy it and I am without question most productive when working outside of a traditional office setting. But working from home means I have to literally force myself to see people. Unless I make an effort (or go to shul) I can go a week or more without having an out-loud (as opposed to typing) conversation with anyone other than my wife. And I’m comfortable with that. It feels normal and fine. But should it? I’m not sure.

I went out with friends last night and had a really lovely time. It was a genuinely fun event and I got some great one on one time with a friend I’m terribly fond of. So why don’t I do that more?

When I hosted “Let Them Tweet Cake” I had a good reason to be more sociable than I normally am and I loved it. People have asked for “Let Them Tweet Cake” to be revived and I have wanted to do it. But I haven’t because I’ve been overwhelmed by the details of organizing it. Is that true though? Or is it that my social skills have atrophied so much that it’s not something I can do anymore? If someone said to me “I’ve arranged the meeting space and the date so all you have to do is show up and host” would I say “that’s great, let’s do it!”? Or would I come up with an excuse not to? I honestly don’t know.

I also don’t know why the thought of going out to do things I know I would enjoy (record store! coffee shop! movie!) seems so overwhelming. This is new.

I like being introverted. I enjoy time alone. I enjoy spending entire days reading books or writing letters. Being with people can really drain me and I often a need a day or two after social events to recharge. But right now it feels like I’ve moved well past introvert and am instead standing far closer to the hermit end of the spectrum. I’m not sure that’s where I want to be but I also don’t know how to move back the other way.

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I wish more of my friends lived closer so we could just text and meet up at the bar 10 minutes later.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *